Here’s the piece I did for Lux Itineris, a Final Fantasy 30th Anniversary Fanbook! Instead of choosing a single game I decided to do a tribute to chocobos since they’ve always been one of my favourite parts of any Final Fantasy game. Remaining books will be available online December 18th HERE!
“And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.”
… I am not entirely sure what just happened. Exploding balls of men with shields catapulting from palm trees. A man just sliding around this invasion on his shield, then Captain America-ing like 10 dudes with it.
Bollywood effects departments are having way too much fun.
An app that shows you where there’s a young man in possession of a good fortune who must be in want of a wife
On the radar:
Gentleman with 5,000 pounds a year Handsome tragic veteran Dashing officer of good breeding Gentleman with 10,000 pounds a year Liberal-minded heir to a large estate
Your phone buzzes:
Mr. Collins
Your mother runs into the room “the lure I placed on netherfield park has worked at last. There is a young man in possession of good fortune, one of the girls must surely catch him”
i have 15 years’ worth of outstanding library fines in three separate cities and it’s my hope that eventually a bounty hunter librarian will come to collect and we’ll get in a bar fight and fall in love
I also can’t rent movies in two different towns so there’s that.
I’m newly terrified by the implication that librarians aren’t people and I’ve misjudged what exactly I’m up against
Young Hotshot Rookie Librarian: “We’ve finally caught him. Now what do we do?”
Grizzled Librarian Who’s Too Old For This Shit: “Book him.”
Gandalf and Aragorn tag-team sassing a convalescent Merry about the location of his pack
the massive intra-Fellowship fight about how fair or unfair it is for people to be blindfolded
“DO AS YOU PLEASE IN YOUR MADNESS! I WISH TO SEE NO EYES!”
Legolas coming all the way from Mirkwood to deliver bad news and get bitched at by Glóin
Bilbo’s passive-aggressive notes to his annoying relatives
Aragorn and Éomer leaning on their swords to take a break and chat in the middle of a fight (twice)
Saruman appearing out of nowhere and harassing the Three Hunters like a DND random encounter
the disco ball/oil slick/sequin robes
basically every time Ioreth or the Master of the Houses of Healing says anything
Pippin jumping into his bath and soaking literally everyone
Bilbo’s song about Eärendil and Aragorn trying to gently point out that some topics of conversation are Sensitive
Frodo deciding that the best way to be inconspicuous is with a loud obnoxious song about when the Moon got drunk
feel free to add your own
Gimli threatening to fight Eomer to the death over which girl was the prettiest
Bilbo talking way too much at the Council of Elrond and asking for lunch while Elrond puts his diplomat face on
“i liked white better”
– legolas enthusiastically singing a song and then forgetting the rest of it – that tree that’s happy with the fire – Legolas basically bitching about how young the rest is and almost literally saying that fangorn is old as balls – Gimli breaking into song and then refusing to talk about it – Aragorn carrying around a broken sword like #aesthetic
– Aragirn throwing a hissy fit when he us asked to leave his sword outside before seeing king Theoden – Gimli waxing poetic about how absolutely beautiful the caverns beneath Helms Deep are and asking Legolas to come see them with him to which Legolas replies “I would literally rather die” – Legolas complaining about the Galadhrim’s terrible accents – Everyone being gifted with cool stuff by Galadriel except Sam who gets a box full of dirt – Saruman taking over the Shire and becoming a brutal dictator
*SLAMS FIST ON DESK*
HOW HAVE NONE OF YOU MENTIONED THE LOVABLE CHUNK OF INSANITY THAT IS TOM BOMBADIL?!
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